Thursday, May 25, 2006

My Rant

I understand that God has purpose, but could it have been fullfilled any other way? Why does it have to happen to Mike? Why does such a loving God heal so many people in scripture, as well as today, and still not improve Mike's situation in any way? In fact he lets it get worse. Don't get me wrong, I still trust that God is above all and that he knows better, but I still don't agree.

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God, if you wanted the glory couldn't we think of another way? If you wanted him to learn something or for me to trust you more, couldn't we have come up with something that didn't involve so much being taken away from Mike? I know that to you the heart is more important than any physical body but that is so hard to understand when it is Mike we are talking about.

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Is there a chance though, that God didn't choose for this to happen? Maybe this is nothing more than a fallen world where bad stuff happens. There doesn't seem like there could be anything that could happen in Mike's future that would make any of the pain "worth it". So maybe it didn't happen on purpose. Maybe it just happen because bad stuff happens. God doesn't stop every bad thing from happening but in the midst of it all he still loves us and stands next to us.

I trust God with all my heart. I know he hasn't left Mike or me or my family but I can't agree with how everything currently stands. It isn't fair; Mike doesn't deserve it. But when it comes down to it, that is an issue between God and I. The only real way to get over that is to take it up with Him. No one else can really answer my questions or my frustration.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

Steve,

I think what you "rant" about has probably been on the minds of a lot of other people too. I've been asking the same questions you have. I can't imagine how angry, helpless and frustrated you must feel in this situation..... Know that there are people praying for your brother, for your whole family and all of Mike's friends who are hurting with you guys. I think it's just so hard for us to wrap our brains around... the injustice of it all is too much for me to really understand. But like you said, God is still here and he's still in control of the big picutre. My heart goes out to you and your family.... I wish I had something more profound or comforting to say, but I can only tell you that we will continue to pray for not only physical healing, but emotional and spiritual healing too.

A.C.

Faye said...

Steve,

God values your honesty in your struggle, as do I. You have voiced the things many of us think when we experience the worst life has to offer. But you have also answered your own questions, and chosen to trust in the Lord God (Psalm 77). You are not forgotten, and neither is your brother. I'm praying for you and your family, Steve.

Faye Polson

Anonymous said...

I am sure Job felt the same way. Many of us feel the same way right now with the same questions. I think it is okay to yell at God and ask the hard questions. We can not see the big picture and right now it sure is a foggy one. Hopefully it will clear in time and we will fully understand this tremondous storm. God is still in control as hard as it is to believe. We continue to struggle with you and uphold you in prayers and thoughts during these long trying days. IA

Anonymous said...

Steve,

No doubt your pain and suffering is absolutely overwhelming. I can't imagine how much you wish your brother could be spared the burden he is bearing. My heart goes out to all of you.

I wanted to share something that my Aunt Irene told me the last time I saw her before cancer took her home to be with her Father. I asked her if she was getting discouraged due to her discomfort and pain. Her response (in a no-nonsense way) was - "God doesn't owe me an explanation about why He's allowed me to have cancer!" That's FAITH in action. It was a life-changing moment for me; God's ways are not our ways. Some things we will never understand while we are still on earth. I am looking forward to when the burdens of life are released and there is no more pain or sorrow.

Thank-you for sharing your brother's progress with all of us who care about Michael and family.

Lois Phillips

Anonymous said...

God only gives us what he knows we can handle, or wishes us to grow through the experience, You are stronger than you guys may think. I will continue to keep praying for you guys :)
God Bless

Mary Piquette said...

Steve,

My son was killed in an accident when he was 15. I had tons of questions, too. I found that, without exception, God answered every one of them. Sometimes in ways that took my breath away with the wonder of His love.

After awhile,I realized that there was a pattern to all this. I had to identify the particular issue (there were lots) and hang on to it to a point of almost crushing me. Then after I could hardly bear it anymore, God would answer. It seemed that I needed to be at a level of desperation before I could hear Him, maybe.

You're on the right track. You've chosen the right Person to challenge, you've identified your issues, and you know God loves you and that He's in charge. He will answer you.

And your questions and His answers will be unique to you. Each member of your family will have their own questions, and God will give each one the answer that absolutely meets their needs.

You have a long road, but God will give you strength.

Anonymous said...

Hey Steve,

I understand what you're going through. A three years ago, a close relative (my great-grandpa) passed away of complications of Alzheimer’s disease. It’s a tough disease especially when he was so physically fit; it was hard to see the Alzheimer’s take over, slowly. So many emotions and thoughts flooded my brain--why God? I know he's old but he could have so many years left? I was angry one second; happy that he was here, another day, at different times, and sometimes even wishing God would end his physical pain and call him home. It seems like we don’t know what we’ve got and how much they mean to us until they’re hurt, or are taken from us. I remember just crying to my small group leader, when he wasn’t even gone yet. It was hard to watch him slip away, or only hear how he was doing from my mom. At the funeral, the priest read a copy of the biography I had done on him two years earlier. I didn’t know that he had it until he started reading it, and so many people (from relatives who didn’t know I did the report to complete strangers who knew Papa) were touched by my simple observations and stories he had told me of his childhood. I didn’t even know how to respond to this flood of people wanting a copy.

Mike’s story and the updates have continued and will continue to touch so many people, those close to us and those who don’t even say their name. As hard as it is to respond, to put one foot in front of the other, maybe Mike and his smile ARE a ray of hope to those searching for answers. I know if anything ever happened to my younger sisters I’d be in the same place as you. Hope, love, and faith are all we’ve got, but love is stronger than the rest. God’s love will heal the hurts, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, for us all. A ray of hope and faith the size of a mustard seed might be all that’s needed. I heard someone once say that God only gives us what we can handle. Thank goodness he only gives us one day at a time… I know I’d be overwhelmed if God laid out my life plan right now. Seeing God work this very moment in your family is truly a blessing.

Struggling with you,
Britney

Julie-Anne said...

Hi Steve.

You don't know me but I am sure that you have read some of my comments for your brother. I don't have any answers for you. Like you said, only God can answer your questions. But I do have just one thougth that came to me when I read your post. We all have questions as to why something happens the way it does. We usually don't see the good of something until it is over and we are looking back in hindsight. It is when we are going through it that it is the hardest. I know that personally because I lost my best friend when I was 12. I didn't understand why and I still don't fully but I do know that God is in control and he knows what he is doing. Anyways the thought that came to me was about King David in the Bible. David went through alot of problems as I am sure you know. What did he do?? He turned to God and asked not only for phyiscal aid but for personal understanding. He turned his sorrows into psalms. I am not saying that you need to go write a song about your questions. But I am saying that you are doing the right thing. You are writing down your questions and prayers and then taking them to God. Keep it up. If you notice that with David's psalms, at the end of most of them he thanks God for helping him in his situation. God brings closer. Just keep going to him and he will help you.
I hope that you find encouragement in this. God Bless

-Julie-Anne

Anonymous said...

It is ok to feel angry, helpless, and frustrated.You will feel numb with emotion and that your life is at a standstill,while everyone else's life is still moving on.Believe me ,you will overcome with a strength you didn't know you had. One day at a time. Hang on and prayers to you all,
Ms.Young

Anneke said...

I knew soon you would be thinking these things. My stomach turns reading your thoughts. I would like to think that because of your faith you wouldn't go down this road of "why" and "what if's".
I don't even really want to write this because of such raw emotion that is attached to it.

I hate that I don't have any answers, it doesn't make sense, it can't be fixed, I can't do, say or buy anything to make it better. Even if I pray I don't understand.
I selfishly hope that nothing trajic ever happens to my family because I don't know what questions I will have for God or if I will begin to understand or even care at that point. If someone quoted Jeremiah 29:11 to me, would I know that truth in my heart, or would I want to smack them and scream at them?
It is the one Lie that Satan has me questioning more than I should.
Will God keep me safe?
Will he protect my family?
Will my kids be okay?
Will God allow things to happen to them?
No matter what you do, how good of a christian you are, things can happen....what are you going to do...pray?...what will
that do?
Will that fix anything?
Change anything?
I hate that I am haunted by this, but when things like Mike's accident hit so close to home it sends my mind into a whirlwind.
I'm sorry this has turned into my own selfish rant, but as I'm venting, I guess God is really using this to test my faith and to figure out how much I trust in him. The more I think about Mike, the more I think about God.

I am praying for your family alot, sometimes I have to re-pray the same prayer over again with more trust attached to it.
I hope you aren't bummed that you have such a weak prayer warrior praying for you! I am working on it...for you ...for me and the rest of the world.
If you knew me, you would know I hate talking about stuff like this. I really hate crying, which I've been doing for the past 20 mins. I don't like exposing my heart and my fears like this. I don't know why I felt now was the time to share this. Ryan and I think about you all the time and can't wait for you to write your own blog!
Anneke

Lori Barker said...

Baby,

I know it seems like God is not here answering our prayers but He is never late or ever earily. He is always on time, His time which is the only time we would want Him to come down and show His face because it is the only perfect time. He is listening and He is here.

Yes, we live in a fallen world full of evil and saddness but God does not promise that life will be easy. However, he will never leave us. He is there to wrestle with, cry to, and share the joys of all the steps forward Mike will go through.

I love you.
Lori

Rob and Joanne said...

He is Able - By Jon Mohr

Like peering through a window blurred with rain
Emotions run together in a flood of doubt and pain
We've prayed as best as we can
Now we must leave it in His hands

Yet I know that when my eyes fail to see, He is able
And even though it seems impossible to me, He is able
But if He chooses not to move in the way we prayed He would
Confident He's working all together for my good,
I will stand behind His word, for He is able

Questions seem to haunt us night and day.
How could God allow my heart be torn this way?
Does He listen when I call? Is He even there at all?

He is able
And as the night gives way to dawning,
And evaporates away, I stand to face another day.
And I will stand behind His word,
For He is able, He is able, He is able!


The questions are hard and necessary. The answers, unfortunately, are few, if there at all. It is my prayer that you will find peace in the darkness. I am asking God that as you go through the mourning, anger, and bitterness that you would be able to find things to be thankful for and people to help. Hard choices at a hard time. You are in our prayers. Rob and Jo

Cindy Peters said...

Steve: thankyou for voicing what so many are thinking/feeling. And there may be no answers today but we will continue to pray and have faith that Michael's amazing spirit will prevail. He is loved beyond measure...that alone brings comfort..
C.Peters

DaveKerwin said...

The most important thing between one person and another is relationship; in this case, the most important thing still remains.

Stevo, if you need some hang time, give me a call, maybe we can catch a late night discussion or something.

Anonymous said...

Steve,

I appreciate your honesty in sharing your questions and confusion as I was too scared to ask questions and voice my confusion when my brother broke his neck. My heart hurts with you as you struggle through this. Don't bury them and try to ignore them, hoping they'll go away. God is powerful, He's over everything, and He's big enough to handle our questions.

I've been told it's bad to ask "Why?" and that you're supposed to ask "What do You want of me?" instead, but I don't believe that. The second IS a good question, but Job asked "Why", and so did Jesus. Ask your "whys" remembering He is still our sovereign God and He'll bring you through this.

Praying for you all.

~Lois

Anonymous said...

God does not always rescue us out of a painful season. You know that he does not always give to us what we so desperately want when we want it. He is after something much more valuable than our happiness. Much more substantive than our health. He is restoring and growing un us an eternal weight of glory. And sometimes... it hurts. (from "captivating")

Love you Steve, praying for you. Hang in there. God won't give up on you so please don't give up on him. He died for you, and He would have done it if you were the only man on the face of the planet.
j

Lindsay said...

The questions you ask are legitimate and normal. My best friend and his parents were killed in a car wreck when I was about 14...I had the exact same exasperations. I read C.S. Lewis'"Problem of Pain" and it really helped put things into perspective. If you have a few moments, I'd definately recommend it. He knew what it was like to suffer as well...

My church and I are praying for you, your family and for Mike...
Always
Linds x

Anonymous said...

I can not pretend to understand how you feel but I felt this poem spoke to me.

A pressing need, a burdened heart,
A longing in my soul that won’t depart-
My trouble burns as a brand upon my spiritual man,
But our all-knowing God has a plan.

I want, I pray, I beg- I plead,
My heart burdened with a Goliath need;
Our Lord knows- we surmise,
And our petitions He will not despise.

But God doesn’t answer right away,
Though with much expectation we pray.
"Wait" - our Master seems to say-
To a heart grieved day by day.

The wait is not in vain-
Giving hope amidst all our pain.
The Lord shall turn our loss into gain,
Though God’s ways we cannot explain.
by
Gene Griffin